So easy,

Friday, April 28, 2006

how great. a series of unfortunate events happened these past few days. simply isnt good stuff. well anyway, i'm gonna start talking about the better stuff that happened to me first, and then the bad stuff later. this wednesday, which was doomsday, i woke up naturally myself, early, magically. i'm shaking la. the thought of the music theory test just keeps staying in my head. so i sat on the couch and did some thorough last minute revision. then later dad woke up, before i knew it, i was in the car on my way there already. the weather is simply horrendous. it was as hot as sahara. when i landed on the seat on my dad's car, my butt literally got burnt. lucky everything turned out better later, thanks to an invention called the "air-conditioner".

the weather changed in an instant later, about 3/4 into the trip, the sky turned dull. how great. i didnt bring my sweatshirt in case of emergencies, like a sudden temperature drop. i reached there about 10mins before allocated time, then i saw joel, what a coincidence, arrive at the same time and sitting for tests on the same day and almost the same time. went up to 3rd floor of the PA block, and saw justin, he's early. test started really late later, when i stepped into the classroom, it was like stepping into a time portal going back into time, feels like im stepping into a secondary school classroom, everything looked so familiar, white board, ceiling fans, the same tables and chairs. the test was alright la, kinda a balanced paper, with an ending of 3 killer questions. i have some confidence at least, to pass this test. well, wish me luck, just waiting for the letter from them ASAP. i'm a few steps from achieving my goal. i really hope i could go in. this course is my dream course.

then later i was the 3rd quickest person to finish the paper. justin was still doing the paper. i left him and met joel together and we went to Parkway for lunch at Fish&Co and slacked around later. it was a freaking cold day la. i was shivering most of the time. speaking of eating, i've burnt a very very very big hole in my wallet recently. here's a summary of how much i've spent this entire week.

Last Sunday, Lunch with Human S at delifrance - $25
Monday, Lunch with Human S and L at Pastamania@Bugis - $10(rounded up cost)
Tuesday, Lunch with Human S again at Pizza hut - $30
Wednesday, Lunch with Joel at Fish&Co - $20
Thursday, Lunch with Chron at KFC-cum-Pizzahut-cum-TacoBell - $8
Today, Friday, Dinner with jerry and chron at Jack's Place(viewer discretion is advised) -------

$53!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT NOW. i've promised myself. im never gonna splurge on food yet again, not at the moment la. maybe next month. or mid next month.

anyway, after tonight's gay threesome candlelight dinner date with jerry and chron, we had adventurous plans to go sneak into Nan Jiau primary school. and we did, jerry climbed over first, followed by me, then chron last, so obviously like so many saw us sneak in la. at first i was scared but i couldnt be bothered later, my main motive is to explore this school, and yes, have fun. first i needed to take a piss, walau eh, the urinals are soooo low. at first the toilet was pitch black, not until one point, the lights switched on by itself. it's just automated lights la, we got scared for no reason.

then we scouted the totally dark corridors, walked one big round, i suggested to explore the top floors, but they disagreed for fear that there would be motion sensors around. so i decided not to take that risk and leave after our little adventure. it was boring la. soo short. next time, we're going to skss at late night, yes! hahah.

i'm looking forward to having a macdonald's breakfast tomorrow, provided that i could wake up. i wouldnt mind eating alone. now.. on to the not-so-good stuff.

urgh. bad move. i just wonder... why.... are you not even speaking to me. my so called, "sweet" messages are often ignored, or replied neutrally. i didnt mind this at first, but after some time, i realised i was talking and making love to a mannequin. i just had to get some answers out. and why... are you hiding your true feelings away from me, just shoot me, you just have to learn to open up, and say it out, anything that you feel so insecure about. i just had to.. drop this la. hope you are happier now, even though you never reply to me, i already know the answer anyway. just glad to lift the burden.

thank you for cheering me up. and making me feel a hell lot better, i know, there are always so many other beautiful things out there in the world. you are one too. thanks for being my listening ear, you know who are. :)

it's 209am now. i guess i should be showering an turning in already. nites.

Purple Rose;
10:35 AM

Monday, April 24, 2006

well i havent been updating for so long, pardon my laziness. im drowning away my sorrows now by having a little dessert of Ben&Jerry's Chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. having scoops in between while blogging, listening to sweet music from my speakers and enjoying the air-conditioned environment in my room. just like heaven. but it's all gonna end soon. i need to force myself to revise my music work later, i just had to, because doomsday is in 2 days' time. the very important test.

anyway, today, originally i wanted to march straight home after classes, but i went bugis instead to meet up with 2 humans. human S and human L. tagged around with them, watched them window shop, and did some real shopping, i'm in need of a new purple shirt. shops like Rebirth and 77th street. eew. shirts all so horrifyingly big.

then later we all went to eat at pastamania. yes. finally i get to eat. pastamania@Bugis is so damn empty when we went there. i think we were only like the 3rd small group of customers there. went to buy Beef Lasagne, garlic bread and a drink. the beef lasagne sucked. so damn watery. i think the cooks in there must be slacking as maybe their business today doesnt seem so good. the meal didnt look inviting. looked like a plate of mashed, watery yellow paste. eew. but i was hungry anyway, so i just dug in. it was alright only. i feel that pizza hut makes better tasting beef lasagnes. human S and L's meals didnt come with a drink unlike mine. then later human S went to buy herself a drink. later, i switched my drink with human S's directly IN HER VIEW, and she doesnt even know. then later she complained to human L, "why you drink my drink so much?" lol fucking funny la. the original plan was to pour pepper into human S's drink.
after that we were all on our back to sengkang already, taking a bus back. the weather was pouring like hell. i feel that the weather nowadays has been having severe mood swings. it could be fucking fucking hot like sahara for a minute and next, so wet and cold. the bus trip lasted about 7-9 years. human L died in her sleep during the extremely long and boring trip. RIP. but she awoke later, so she didnt die la. i was attempting to do my music work on the bus, but to no avail. the bus was just too jerky la.

reached our destination sooner later and went to play at the arcade with human S. lost to her 2 straight games of "shoot the saucer into ur opponent's goalpost" game. i suck at most arcade games la. nvm, the motive is to just have fun. after that, the day was wrapped up. a pretty quick day it was.

in the bus back, i saw the most horrible show on earth, showing on tvmobile. Superbands. damn awful la, too horrible until i cannot even find a word to describe its horrendousness. sometimes, people just have too much capital and decide to create such crappy competitions. at least School Of Rock is decent, which some youngsters really capable of playing music which is actually pleasant to hear.

i thought of hitting the bed now, but i just cant. must... force... myself... to revise... just when the time comes, one of the rare moments that i actually feel sleepy, i cant sleep, i have something holding me back. crap la.

i miss those pasar malam visits. i just wanna eat again. the pasar malam is all about food food and nothing but food. and ya, COTTON CANDY. originally there was one near CP, then when i wanted to go there, it disappeared mysteriously, then ended up near RP, then later, to its final destination which i know of, near RM. but now it's gone for good. so sad.... no more burger and hotdog and cotton candy late night supper snacks. i realized that there are some very useless stalls at every pasar malam that i go to. firstly, the most useless stall award would go to the "Game Stall", which displays toys hung up with numbers pasted on them, prize numbers most probably, a dart board, and a miniature pool with many toy toads. $2 per game, i heard. the prizes are like shiit. i guess nobody would have the time and patience to play them. if only they had more attractive prizes, such as.. maybe an ipod video, a nano? a camera, a psp? then i'd be very keen to play. second most useless stall would be the plant stall. it's kinda an eyesore, like u walk past a long stretch of food stalls, and suddenly, one stall displaying nothing but potted plants. which human would buy... guess my mom would buy. she has an obsession with plants, both real and fake, but fake mostly. whats so nice about them. heard that there's another night market situated in punggol. but i dunno punggol that well, so i wouldnt wanna waste a full day scouting for a night market there, alone.

today, all poly students have started school already. and everyone is so busy, the other people would have started their first mid year paper already. so dreaded. i havent been playing my guitar for about a full week already. wonder what has gotten into me. i have a second song in mind to compose.. if only i could find the time and mood to sit down and spent some time playing. omg, i actually finished one full pint of Ben&jerry's ice cream i bought an hour ago. shows what a really hungry guy i am.

i just found this nice acoustic cover of a classic song, canon in D. it's like medicine to my ears. a perfect song to begin to day with. http://youtube.com/watch?v=N9to1auUNTk

meanwhile, some retarded stuff i came across while surfing the net. two faggots, lip synching to a mortal kombat soundtrack and doing stupid stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-40L...ortal%20kombat

lastly, i'm a fan of this retarded guy, i find him hilarious, yet he's promoting awareness, why cant singapore have someone like him? guess singaporeans arent as open as the people in japan. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFKpriH8s0g

the second week is coming very very soon. is this movie going to have a sour, abrupt ending? or would a sequel be waiting? it's all up to her to decide. this is reality, and not all movies have good endings too. to continue... or to shatter a heart?

Purple Rose;
2:45 PM

i'd like to start this post with a pleasant.. FUCK YOU BLOGGER.COM i fucking hate you. i typed an ultra long entry and clicked PUBLISH POST and then i waited and waited, "files published" only turned out be 0% all the time. so fricking annoyed la. now i have to figure out what i said 5 minutes before, so irritating. hope my memory serves me well.

well i havent been updating for so long, pardon my laziness. im drowning away my sorrows now by having a little dessert of Ben&Jerry's Chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. having scoops in between while blogging, listening to sweet music from my speakers and enjoying the air-conditioned environment in my room. just like heaven. but it's all gonna end soon. i need to force myself to revise my music work later, i just had to, because doomsday is in 2 days' time. the very important test.

anyway, today, originally i wanted to march straight home after classes, but i went bugis instead to meet up with 2 humans. human S and human L. tagged around with them, watched them window shop, and did some real shopping, i'm in need of a new purple shirt. shops like Rebirth and 77th street. eew. shirts all so horrifyingly big.

then later we all went to eat at pastamania. yes. finally i get to eat. pastamania@Bugis is so damn empty when we went there. i think we were only like the 3rd small group of customers there. went to buy Beef Lasagne, garlic bread and a drink. the beef lasagne sucked. so damn watery. i think the cooks in there must be slacking as maybe their business today doesnt seem so good. the meal didnt look inviting. looked like a plate of mashed, watery yellow paste. eew. but i was hungry anyway, so i just dug in. it was alright only. i feel that pizza hut makes better tasting beef lasagnes. human S and L's meals didnt come with a drink unlike mine. then later human S went to buy herself a drink. later, i switched my drink with human S's directly IN HER VIEW, and she doesnt even know. then later she complained to human L, "why you drink my drink so much?" lol fucking funny la. the original plan was to pour pepper into human S's drink.

after that we were all on our back to sengkang already, taking a bus back. the weather was pouring like hell. i feel that the weather nowadays has been having severe mood swings. it could be fucking fucking hot like sahara for a minute and next, so wet and cold. the bus trip lasted about 7-9 years. human L died in her sleep during the extremely long and boring trip. RIP. but she awoke later, so she didnt die la. i was attempting to do my music work on the bus, but to no avail. the bus was just too jerky la.

reached our destination sooner later and went to play at the arcade with human S. lost to her 2 straight games of "shoot the saucer into ur opponent's goalpost" game. i suck at most arcade games la. nvm, the motive is to just have fun. after that, the day was wrapped up. a pretty quick day it was.

i thought of hitting the bed now, but i just cant. must... force... myself... to revise... just when the time comes, one of the rare moments that i actually feel sleepy, i cant sleep, i have something holding me back. crap la.

i miss those pasar malam visits. i just wanna eat again. the pasar malam is all about food food and nothing but food. and ya, COTTON CANDY. originally there was one near CP, then when i wanted to go there, it disappeared mysteriously, then ended up near RP, then later, to its final destination which i know of, near RM. but now it's gone for good. so sad.... no more burger and hotdog and cotton candy late night supper snacks. i realized that there are some very useless stalls at every pasar malam that i go to. firstly, the most useless stall award would go to the "Game Stall", which displays toys hung up with numbers pasted on them, prize numbers most probably, a dart board, and a miniature pool with many toy toads. $2 per game, i heard. the prizes are like shiit. i guess nobody would have the time and patience to play them. if only they had more attractive prizes, such as.. maybe an ipod video, a nano? a camera, a psp? then i'd be very keen to play. second most useless stall would be the plant stall. it's kinda an eyesore, like u walk past a long stretch of food stalls, and suddenly, one stall displaying nothing but potted plants. which human would buy... guess my mom would buy. she has an obsession with plants, both real and fake, but fake mostly. whats so nice about them. heard that there's another night market situated in punggol. but i dunno punggol that well, so i wouldnt wanna waste a full day scouting for a night market there, alone.

today, all poly students have started school already. and everyone is so busy, the other people would have started their first mid year paper already. so dreaded. i havent been playing my guitar for about a full week already. wonder what has gotten into me. i have a second song in mind to compose.. if only i could find the time and mood to sit down and spent some time playing. omg, i actually finished one full pint of Ben&jerry's ice cream i bought an hour ago. shows what a really hungry guy i am.

the second week is coming very very soon. is this movie going to have a sour, abrupt ending? or would a sequel be waiting? it's all up to her to decide. this is reality, and not all movies have good endings too. to continue... or to shatter a heart?

Purple Rose;
9:43 AM

what a day it was. and yah i havent been updating yes i know. forgive my laziness. im now drowning away my sorrows by eating B&J's ice cream, chocolate fudge brownie, right now, in front of the com and blogging at the same time. it's so damn nice la. i could finally relax my mind, after all that has happened. 2 more days to doomsday. Lasalle is waiting for me. shit. im so damn scared la. actually im supposed to be revising my head off now, but i chose to relax a little, sit in this air conditioned room of mine, typing away and having bites of ice cream in between. just like heaven.

today, i originally wanted to go straight home after classes, as i had nothing in mind, but i went to bugis instead, to meet up with 2 humans. human S and human L. walked in circles, they did a little window shopping and then later went to eat at Pastamania. i bought beef lasagne, garlic bread and a drink. my beef lasagne sucked la, so watery, i think the cooks must have been slacking as their business wasnt that good today, so they anyhow make my beef lasagne. mine looked so damn watery. i ate it half heartedly anyway. and couldnt finish it in the end. then human S bought a drink. then later i switched my drink with human S's directly IN HER VIEW. and human S didnt see. then later human S suddenly complained to human L, "why u drink my drink so much ?" lol fucking funny la. then after that all go back home already, so fast. took a bus all the way back to sengkang. trip lasted about 7-9 years. and the weather was pouring like crazy. the weather having severe mood swings again. one minute it was fucking fucking hot like sahara and next, so wet and cold. human L died in her sleep halfway throughout the trip. RIP. but she awoke later. so shes not dead. then went to arcade with human S. and lost to her 2 straight games of that "hit the saucer into ur opponent's goal" game. i suck at arcade la. nvm, motive is to enjoy myself anyway. after that the day was rounded up already. pretty quick day.

argh. im so annoyed. i just thought of hitting the bed, and i forgot, i've got to force myself to revise later. just when i was feeling sleepy, i cant get myself to sleep. -_-
shit. my ice-cream's gonna finish soon, fuck that was quick. i just bought this pint of ice cream less than an hour ago and now it's gonna finish. shit. i havent played guitar in about a week. crap. what has gone into me. i still have a second song in mind to compose. if i can ever force myself to sit down, and find some time to play guitar then. dunno which Being went to meddle with my settings on my amp, made me lose patience to turn them all back to my default settings. guess it must be my mom, she wipes anything that is dusty.

i miss those pasar malam nights. i wanna EAT. eat burgers and hotdogs, and COTTON CANDY. soo nice la, but sinfully fattening. so sad.. originally it was at CP, then it moved to RP, then later it moved to somewhere near RM. each area set up only lasted for 3 days. however i feel there are some very useless stalls around at every pasar malam i go to. firstly, the most useless stall award would go to those Game Stalls, hanging up stupid toys, with numbers enprinted on them, and with a small miniature pool full of toy toads. so it's basically $2 per game. what a waste of cash, i dont anyone would have the interest to play them. the prizes suck anyway. secondly, the next useless stall would be those selling plants. these stalls are kinda obvious, like u walk past a long stretch of food stalls then suddenly u feel like ur in the botanic gardens. like who is gonna buy all these junk. plants. i can just grow them myself, or steal them from gardens. so, these night markets are only good for food. haiz... i miss cotton candy. so fluffy and soft, sweet tasting but makes my fingers feel as if glue was poured all over on it.

heard that there's one at punggol. but i dunno punggol that well, so im not gona risk wasting one full day searching for it alone. my hair is seriously out of shape already. should i cut.. or not. i still havent decided on that perm yet. am afraid that it'll look funny on me.

today, all poly students have started school already. everyone's so busy right now. while the rest have their busiest moments of their life in school, having their important mid year exams.
the second week is coming very soon. is this movie going to have a sour, abrupt ending? or would a sequel await? it's all up to her to decide. to continue.. or to shatter a heart.

Purple Rose;
8:47 AM

Sunday, April 16, 2006

hello. damn long since i last updated. had nothing much to blog about anyway. but... i just feel that i need to update even though now the clock shows 530AM. i just had to blog, or else i would never blog again and keep procrastinating. well, yesterday was an alright day. i had no plans to go out or whatsoever then chron asked me out for a movie. yay. finally something to do. he called me at about 5pm, and it was raining like hell outside, more of a thunderstorm, i like. then at first i was actually lazy to go out, as i was in midst of a video gaming session and the weather just sux, and i was still in my PJs but later i changed my mind and called him again to confirm.

and i told him im wearing clothes now and "on my way" to PS, which was at about 520pm, but actually i havent even gotten out of my sleeping attire yet lol. then by the time i got ready, it was already 6pm and he was already calling me and i lied that i was at sengkang mrt station hahah, i just had to lie la... if i told him i was still at home... he would probably blow up, then later in desperation i went to take a cab there.

$8.50 flew away.

the original plan was to catch a movie, then one guy disagreed, and it held us all back. it was a really annoying situation to be in. one guy doesnt wana watch a movie, he pulls the other 3 guys back, and if that one guy decides to go back home, another guy wouldnt wana watch the movie anymore and so thats damn stupid la. after much frustration, we still caught the movie, Black Night. it was an average horror movie. using the very much similar scare tactics. cant they come up with new ways to scare us silly? like.. it's always the same damn thing. cheap thrills. increase of volume by 300% for a particular scene. well Black Night is actually directed by 3 different directors of different nationalities. hongkong, japan and thailand. the movie is split up into 3 different stories. the first was the hongkong 1, which was the scariest, thanks to cheap thrills. secondly, the japanese counterpart was the most disappointing, it had a storyline which was crap. a small girl gets bullied by a boy. boy throws her stuff into a deserted house, she goes in to retrieve it back, then she saw a hole, she finds something "interesting" in the hole, she scoops it up in a bottle and brings it back. and that "thing" she brought back, was nothing, the girl just had an imaginary friend. fast forward a bit, so basically, anyone who gets in her way, like disses her or makes her sad, would all die the same death, at the same very hole. killed by her imaginary friend, which the camera never seems to reveal. it was stupid story la. i almost fell asleep. the last one was well balanced, it had a more meaningful story, with a little touch of emotion, so i can say i'm pretty pleased with the last chapter of the movie. though it's not that scary. overall, the whole movie was kinda draggy, after the movie ended, it felt like as if i had sat through 2 movie marathons even though the movie only lasted for an hour and a half.

then later, we all went back to cp, i was really bored, so i went to friend's place and stayed there until 12 plus am. then lastly, went to 7 eleven and bought 2 alcoholic drinks, treated my friend one bottle of bicardi and i took mild vodka for myself. i feel so cheated later. my mild vodka was like shit. it tasted like any other regular soft drink, i dont taste ANY alcohol in it, lucky the bicardi made up for it. then went back in a cab, from sengkang to my place plus midnight charge, costs about $5. relatively cheap. while in the cab, i drank my last few gulps of mild vodka, and im beginning to taste the alcohol, it's all below la. then i got a little dizzy, i also duno why. nevertheless i still got home safely.

sigh. it has been 4 days straight, i havent been... err. nvm, hahah. something indecent. i need to control myself.. hahah. luckily i dont feel a thing, maybe doing it wasnt so necessary after all, it only helps me relieve stress.

and yes, im no longer a wilted rose. my feelings have faded already la. i'm back on with my normal happy life. wah.. i wanna go to any pasar malam nearby if there is any. recently i saw one damn close to my place, but i dont wana explore the whole market alone, thats so boring, so i decide to wait for the one near RP to open up. then at least that wouldnt be so bad. thinking of night markets only would make me think of food. burgers, sausages..... yum yum. sinfully fattening but HECK, i love food. if only i was a little meatier on my body.. gosh im so skinny. eating a lot doesnt work, it would only give me more health problems. the only way is... exercise... but im so lazy. and i hate jogging alone. my stamina is atrocious.

i miss my late night snacks. i like that soft chocolate "cookie" with marshmallow insides. so sweet. so nice. anyway, now's already 6am. on a hated monday morning. the monday blues. students would need to wake up soon to prepare for sec school. fucking boring yes i know. i have approximately about 6 hours of sleep left now. i just cant kick insomnia la. i've grown to used to it. even though im clear of nightmares.

my bed looks so inviting now... i guess it's calling out for me now. byee.

Purple Rose;
2:31 PM

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

yawn. even though im tired as hell. im still blogging at this witching hour of 3am on april 13th. today i went over to muneh's place just to play chess. it was fun la. because i won both matches thats why. before that i ate at RP's macdonalds, even though i hated mac, but bo bian, i ate kfc a few million times already, so just decided to settle for mac. i got this weird burger for free, i looked at the burger i sian already, just look at the amount of veges they loaded that thing with. vegetables cause cancer a recent study revealed. hahah. before i ordered, there was this pair of skss boys behind me, and later they ordered the very same meal as i did. i didnt feel a thing until later when i was returning to my seat, those kids even took around the same number of straws as i did. i wanted to make a super long straw, but they copied me. posers.... hahah.

the night before, i just couldnt sleep as usual. so then, i was still feeling depressed from what happened, i just turned to my guitar. and from there, i came up with a song, my very first song i composed. you know, through what had happened to me, most would think that i would compose a really saaaaad song, but in the end, i duno wtf but it turned out to have a rather happy tune. then i finalised the guitar parts and recorded it on my computer. i re-recorded over 5 times the same goddamn song, because it was really troublesome, i had to click "record" then i would have to run back to my guitar and play it. and once the song is done, i would have to put down my guitar and run back to my computer to click "stop" and sometimes, my computer lags and my recording skips. luckily im a patient guy.

here's the link for my demo anyway, a newly recorded version i just re-recorded about 2 hours ago. http://s39.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2HU1LSRDCOBZ815U5AAHECL4JX
i have become a lazier fucker today, i cant believe i'm still blogging now and i havent fucking touched my music homework at all. and my head is spinning already, i feel sleepy for the very first time this year at this hour. i'm gona blog a little more if my head allows.

next week, people are starting a fresh new chapter in their lives. new school. new friends, new environment. and i'm still stuck. mostly everyone i know is gonna start their new life soon, and i'm gonna be a stale piece of bread, idle, and hanging out alone more often. it's just fucking boring la. japanese class has shrunk in size. now there's left with only one more longest standing student, the other guy has left for america for work. it's just less fun with lesser people around. no more Desi the hottie, Andrea the gymnast too. another boring weekend lies ahead of me.

i'm so gona get screwed tomorrow at music class. i need to slap myself soon, i cant go on like this. i need to discipline myself. just because of one problem, i'm robbing myself of oppurtunities. test date is impending quicker than ever, 13 more days. i'm so grateful that some people have confidence in me, i wanna thank all you guys. i cannot be too complacent too, or else mindef sucks me into their shithole, NS(national suicide)

from the start of this year i had 2 goals to achieve. firstly, my school of choice, i'm already halfway through the field, reaching the penalty area, will i miss this open goal, or do i slip and fall? secondly, a chance in love, obviously i blew the chance already. and i cant do anything about it already. only mourn its loss. and rely on nothing but hope now. it's day 3 of my mournings.
i still have copies of the cards. i stare at it every morning when i just woke up.

the wounds are still fresh. even though i might get too emotional at times, i still have self control. i do not slash my wrist or think i'm superman to jump down from buildings.
what's said in the past is meant, no turning back.
i wish i could be alright to sleep tonight.

no more visions of you in my sleep

i'm still far from it.

let time and music heal my wounds, slowly.

Purple Rose;
12:13 PM

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

i'm not gona blog much today. now i'm experiencing one of the shittiest moments of my life. nothing could get rid of the feeling. it's always up there in head, like super-glued there. my feelings. for. you. i have insomnia, nothing new about that, but now its condition had worsened. thanks to the feeling up there. everytime i lie my head against my pillow, i close my eyes, i keep seeing you. and wtf, you just couldnt be erased from my head. it's like a curse, i know i'm cursed to stay single forever. now every day to me seems so cold, no matter how scorching hot the sun can be, because of you. it's so hard.. to not think of it. the bouquet of wilted roses i saw in my sister's room, would only make my eyes water. i lost my appetite completely. i didnt eat for this whole day so far. after what happened yesterday. a few buttons pressed on my cell, after that my life became shrouded in darkness. i felt like a loser, an idiot. even though my last relationship didnt last well but that was 3 years ago, i put that chapter behind. iii just want to be with you...

you said of what happened in the past, made u result into making this decision.
but the thing is, you also said that you dont wana think of the past anymore.
isnt that contradictory?

there is nothing i could do. i could only respect the decision that you've already made.
even though i do not agree with it.

i must force myself to resume my normal life, love can cause so much grief, yet so much happiness.

there is only one thing i could hope for, a miracle. the day you change your mind about what you said. i HIGHLY DOUBT SO. i could only cry and keep my fingers crossed every night.

i just need some time to be alone now. goodbye. i like you jbean.

: (

Purple Rose;
5:07 AM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

im blogging today. yeah im not lazy. i just completed my dreaded music theory homework a few minutes ago and it's giving me a headache trying to get it over and done with. today i went out for a movie, with joel and company. watched Ice Age 2, pretty okay movie, it's just fine with me, however i still prefer the first Ice Age movie. then after that pretty much slacked around, went to bugis, and watched ppl play arcade, since i got nothing to do. $1 per game is crazy la, im not paying that much crap to play a game. rather i play my 360 at home, free of charge, unless it's a game thats only available on arcade. we went our separate ways at about 9pm, i went to meet someone else before goin back.

wei's gone back to taiwan. sian. come back soon la. i mIsS eUu wOrZ. hahah. i have a really boring week ahead of me, no plans no nothing, not meeting anyone or whatsoever. hope someone breaks the curse and ask me out. im darn sian hanging out at town alone, and no, i dont go town just to walk around alone, because ive got music class at town area and after that, going back home would be the last thing on my mind. just now on my way back home in the bus at 1145pm, i saw an interesting movie trailer, some asian horror film. finally. after damn long, they finally released an asian horror film. Asian horror > Western horror.

western horror films usually dont have scary ghosts and they rely so much on cheap thrills to scare my balls off, and lots of gore too. Asian horror, however has so much spooky shit in it, usually the cliched female ghost with hair covering her face. ok la thats enough for me to start pissing in my pants already. it's been a long while since i watched another asian horror film. my asian horror film last year was Heirloom, fucking crappy movie. there wasnt a single ghost appearance in the whole movie. just a boring stupid story all the while. and the movie posters look so scary. somemore the theatre i was watching in was so damn empty and that added on to the fright factor. luckily this time im not watching alone. last time i used to watch movies alone all the time. because ive got no one to watch with. it was embarassing la. i could still remember the old times last year, i made frequent visits to orchard cineleisure, went to the movie booth and the lady quoted, "2 tickets?"
i said, "err, one."

then she gave me that look. obviously i could read it in her mind that she was calling me a loser, as losers watch movies alone wat. some movies turned out to be good, but at the end of the day i still felt like shit as i had no one to talk to about the juicy parts of a good movie. crap. that was the past. in late 2005. now there has been a slight improvement. year 2006. new friends, new buddies, new stuff. slightly improved life. life cant be as rosy as what i expect it to be anyway.

just now i was watching a soccer match with my dad. then when his favourite team scored, he cheered super loudly and farted at the same time. he farted like a bomb somemore, it was damn loud. i was like -_-
then the whole living room stink like hell. of all people, i never thought my dad was this retarded. i read the papers and found one part of a page really interesting, the food section. there was some hotel like featuring some chocolate foundtain thing. the picture of the chocolate foundtain was making my mouth water already. chocolates!! sinful as they can be. i want a chocolate foundtain for my personal use! i told my mom about it. she thought it was a good idea to get one, not until i told her the price of it. then she said a big no. anyway i was joking about the part that i wana get it. it's just too expensive larr. maybe one day, i'll experience dipping food into the chocolate foundtain at some place. if i got enough money la. my wallet's drying up like crazy now. time to make sacrifices again. limit myself to one meal a day now.

im so hungry now. it's 445am on a monday morning. the last meal i had was a plate of spaghetti at 3pm the day before. i havent ate anything in more than 12 hours. my stomach's growling. my fingers are itching, it's dangerous to have my wallet lying around now so i hid it. i need to have self control. or not now i would be downstairs unloading cash on useless snacks that i know i wouldnt eat finish. talking about snacks. i think i still have a couple more in my refrigerator. i bought so much and didnt finish them. sometimes my mom throws them away -_- or maybe i eat finish, i duno la.

L.I.F.O.S - Trying not to look back... says:
she seriously not interested in u

L.I.F.O.S - Trying not to look back... says:
u needa find some1 who really treasure that moment
L.I.F.O.S - Trying not to look back... says:
with u la
L.I.F.O.S - Trying not to look back... says:
not like
L.I.F.O.S - Trying not to look back... says:
u 1 person want it =

i've been thinking about what my friend said to me in the msn conversation above. maybe letting it go could bring an end to my insomnia problems. thinking of it when im lying flat on bed would make me only stare with eyes open, even though i know im damn tired, i just couldnt get myself to sleep because my mind is still active, thinking about stuff. i picture that as a giant rock in my head, blocking water from flowing in the middle of a wide river. so maybe i should let it all go. i guess i should. or am i just overreacting?

i just dont know....

Purple Rose;
11:38 AM

Thursday, April 06, 2006

it has been a while. i keep forgetting to update -_- nvm la. finally i'm updating now, at 452am, on april 7th, a friday morning. its been a long long day. i went over the bar today, i was extremely late for music class, and i really mean, sUPER late. class was due to start at 2pm as usual, and at 145pm, i was still at home, styling my hair in front of the mirror in my room -_-
dad woke me up at 1245, but i delayed till 1, i was extremely tired, i slept at 7am, which meant i only got 5 hours of sleep. then after i showered, i still had to dump my guitar equipment into my bag, which took about 5-10 minutes, and it was already 130 then. shit la. then i wonder wtf was i thinking, i still took my own sweet time to style my hair. then after realising my stupidity, i rushed down to the bustop, when i was like approximately 20 meters away from the bustop, my bus had just arrived, i sprinted, and lucky i caught that bus, if i didnt, i'll be damn pissed. the bus trip lasted 2 and a half songs long, according to my ipod, thats pretty quick, smooth traffic and less assholes boarding at the stops, and when i alighted, i ran all the way down to the mrt, and AGAIN, the mrt doors closed on me, and the next fucking MRT is 6 minutes and it was already 204pm. and after the long boring ride, i reached class at 240pm. neat. class ended less than an hour's time. then i went to meet weiwen, watched him cut his hair. then later we realised we were damn late for our jamming session, so we decided to take a cab there, from suntec to serangoon. the queue was hideous. we were still happily chatting, without realising that we were at the queue's half mark and it was already 459pm, and we booked the 5pm slot. didnt receive any call from the rest, so we assumed everyone was late haha. we finally got a cab later, but the cabby is a dumbass. he kept speaking in chinese and it's pissing us all off. and he doesnt seem to know how to get to our location. asshole, but somehow through miracles, he got us there.

sad to say, todays jamming session was retarded, and not quite as fun as i expected. had no proper song in mind to play, plus the eq was fucked, the sounds were all mixed like rojak, i cant fucking hear every instrument clearly. next time i hope we can equalise the sounds properly. then during a break i took, i saw a copy of the newspaper, someone must have bought it. i must say... it has the nicest cover picture of all articles, on the cover there was a picture of sizzzzzzling hot Kumi Koda, japan's sex siren. omg. that pic of her is so fucking fucking hot la, she oozes a LOT of sex appeal, with her very very revealing clothes and her cleavage is spilling like hell. ok la i shutup. this proves that sex sells. i bet any girl can get famous here in singapore, just have a sexy bod, get spotted by a talent scout, get signed to a record company, and they doll her up nicely, write for her songs, she sings it, and tadah, she's famous already. it's all about image la. the girl is hot,her albums sell like hotcakes, even if she could barely sing. sadly, thats reality la. popularity > raw talent

then after jamming we went to eat at the indian coffeeshop nearby. and the prata i ordered was contaminated, i was "enjoying" my meal halfway, then i realised there was an ant on one of my pratas, i was too hungry to spit out my food la, thats my first meal of the day, at 7pm, i never ate the whole day. so i brushed it off quickly. i dont think i'll ever wana eat at that place again, this is not the first time they have shit in their food. there was another time i ordered some mee from them, and there was a fucking live insect inside my meal, i lost my appetite instantly. i should have complained. hygiene level of that place = 2%

then wei's brother suggested to watch V for Vendetta, i already watched that movie, so i pretty much didnt have the mood to watch, so i just said i didnt have enough money, lol. and i watched the movie for free later. the theatre was on level 9 again. then halfway throughout the movie i wanted to piss, then me and wei went walking around outside for a while, jokingly suggesting to play the xbox outside and ditch the movie, ahha we were clearly bored la. then i was fucking thirsty, i went to the vendingmachine to purchase a drink. all the fucking drinks cost $2.50 each?! heck, i had enough coins anyway, i needed to get rid of them so i just bought the small bottle of coke for $2.50, i was lazy to queue up at the counter as there were so many people. blah thats about it for a day.

even though i've been snacking heavily during the wee hours of the morning daily, i have been losing weight recently. i took my weight a few days back and i've dropped to 46kg. wtf. i used to maintain at 50kg. i have a weird body. when i start snacking more, i lose weight. -_-
i am still unable to sleep at regular times. maybe my body got strongly used to it i guess it would be damn hard to shake it off and return back to humanly sleeping times. last time when i had to sleep early to wake up for an important appointment the next morning, i could sleep normally at 10pm every night, naturally. that lasted only for about 3 days or so, then after that i've resumed back my extremely unhealthy lifestyle again. and duh, insomnia naturally came back. i still havent showered yet since i came back just now at almost 1am. and it's 530am now. an hour's time, and sec school pupils would rise and shine, dragging themselves to the bathroom and start their boring day soon. l0l. its a friggin friday, early dismissals for some schools. so fridays shouldnt be that bad. for me now i only worry if i could not wake up later for class. i have a 2 litre bottle of fresh orange juice beside me now, i dont pour my drinks in glasses normally, i usualyl drink purely from the bottle itself, and i'm gona finish this 2litre bottle soon, all by myself. lol. im a heavy drinker. too much dairy products can lead to getting diarhorrea. i just knew about that not long ago. i knew last time i loved drinking cartons of milk non stop in the dead of the night, and about an hour after downing those cartons i had an explosive time in the loo. so now i;ve learnt from my mistakes and stayed away from milk cartons at night. and replaced them with orange juice bottles instead. drinking too much orange juice also has its own bad points. i duno la, heard rumours that it'll give me a bad throat. should i believe or not. my throat is fine wat.

i wished i had a new bed. i remembered some beds i liked when i went product-browsing at ikea last time. some beds have that special rest, usually for people to place their meals on and have breakfast at the comfort of their own beds in the morning. how cool is that, and damn relaxing too. you wake up after a long rest the night before, your room door swings open and a maid serves you breakfast, and you wouldnt need to step ur feet outta ur bed even. im dreaming la, i dont even have a maid or a servant, and my mom wouldnt approve of me eating in my room, plus it's a meal eaten ON the bed, so if i spill food or a drink, all hell breaks loose la, prepare for insect invasion, or uncomfy nights. my mom strongly disapproves of me eating in my room. because of hygienic reasons. i usually go against her rules, but i only do it when shes not around.

ahhhh. i wana eat steak everyday. i had a meal of sirloin steak at cafe cartel a few days back, and i cant stop dreaming of it. the taste is just electrifying, with great sauce, and sides. argh. no $$ la. actually i have, but i just dont have the heart to splurge on expensive meals and stuff. once my money goes below $100, i'll feel like a beggar already.

yesterday i didnt realise that i was still surfing the net, it was already DAMNN bright outside, the sun was slowly coming up, until i pulled aside the curtains and sunlight burns my skin a little so i immediately somersaulted into bed, covered blankets over my entire body and plugged into wonderland. sianzzz.ZZ. no wetdreams for me in 4294824 years, neither do i have any pleasant dreams. i ever had several cases of my dreams, which became reality later, it's damn scary la, when you thought everything u saw in ur dream was a hoax, it became real. mostly school-related stuff i dreamt became reality la, those were all my old sec sch related stuff la, now i havent had that special case of dream-becoming-reality yet at the moment.

room's so cold, im only in boxers. my PJs lay out nicely on my bed, im gona slip into them soon. even though im sweet 18, i never fail to wear PJs every night to sleep. i guess im too used to it.

everyday before i go to bed, i'll think of her. wondering what are dreaming of now, in ur peaceful sleep, are you having a nightmare or a sugar sweet dream. i still dont have the courage to pop that sensitive question up yet. someday i will. someday.......... or are you happy being single... a thousand questions in my head, with all the what if's lining up in my head.

ooh. i miss heerrr. argh. snap out of it. love is a feeling. a great feeling, but not all the time. i picture of "Love" as an exotic flower, but with sharp thorns, i hold it at the correct spot, and smell the fragrance of it, enjoying every molecule of air breathed in, and sometimes, accidents happen, my fingers accidentally slide down and i poke the thorns on the flower, and i'm left with a scar, and i bleed. that's what i picture of "Love". The part where i cut my finger, signifies hardship in a relationship. ok. i feel that i sound stupid.

in real life, i feel that of a guy's life is somehow like a video game. a Role Playing Game to be exact. you start out being a regular single male. and females, often come by and leave, and sometimes, you fall in love, and in order to win that girl's heart, you need to, "level up" as in have a change of appearance like having a new hairstyle, buying accessories like clothes to increase ur "attractiveness" level. or go to the gym to beef up ur body to up points on ur "sex appeal" level. and very often, after reaching those peaks, like a high level, there would be occasional "Boss" battles where you have to show ur true colors and fight for the girl you like, and that "boss" im referring to would be other guys. especially another guy who seems to like the same girl as you do, and with more experience points you gain, you somehow beat the guy and you win the girl's heart. and it just doesnt end off that well. after you got the girl, you would need to maintain her to the fullest, it's like taking care of a pokemon, ignoring her or treating would result in her leaving you. lol. fuck. holy dog. gona be 630am already. i gotta bathe la!!!

Purple Rose;
1:53 PM

Sunday, April 02, 2006

hello. been a year since i last blogged. kinda worried of my future... like i really wanna go that school that i like or else i'm off to NS, no fucking way im going there. i had a haircut today. and till now, i havent washed my hair yet, since i cut it at 4pm the previous day, and now's 230am on April 3rd. i feel that my hair doesnt look any different. only slightly thinner -_-
then after my haircut i went upstairs and saw a familiar retarded face. some eccentric kid i met about a year ago, maybe longer, this time he has a new hairstyle, which is almost bald, since i can see he has a receding hairline. and i saw him today, thrashing someone at DOA4, too bad i didnt had to mood to play at the time, i wanted to play with him. i can still remember his eccentric behaviour the last time i played with him DOAU on the classic xbox, everytime he lost to me he would slap his thighs to vent his frustration. it was fucking funny. i would play with him somehow, if we ever meet again.

i was late for my haircut appointment actually. i booke d a timeslot at 3pm, and i came at 340pm instead. and when i reached there, the hairstylist looks pissed. then he looked at his watch, i just said a million apologies and then he directed me to my seat. haha. im always fucking late for everything. he attended to another customer first while i just sat there and read the magazines provided. the place looks clean, but i didnt think so after i saw a medium sized cockroach crawled past my seat. i was fucking scared. the cockroach keeps running up the wall and then slipping off and falling to the ground then it ran directly below my seat. i shook the seat violently to chase away that stupid pest. it disappeared into a corner later. and i didnt see it anymore. got my hair done, and i still feel that it looks annoying. nvm, when i'm styling it myself tmr, i'll see how it's like.

watched V for Vendetta 2 days back, on a saturday. i just couldnt take it anymore. so now i finally watched, and it was a nice movie for me. i wouldnt recommend this movie to anyone looking for an action packed film, this movie rocks because of its storyline, not its action scenes. V himself is so cool. but however i dont think the movie deserves its NC16 rating. the violence is so mild, it should be pg13. the people shouldnt be afraid of the government, the government should be afraid of their people. lol thats a line from the movie, the power of anarchy, they could go against their government, protests and all. i wish students could do that, so that guys could protest to have long hair. lol, if that really happens, all the boys would end up in boys' homes. hmmm lemme calculate how much i spent on that day...

movie tix = $20
Food = triple C + hotdog combo
= $3.50 + $5
= $8.50
coke from mac = $2
total expenditure for the day = $20 + $8.50 + $2
= $30.50

oh no. im broke. anyway, the triple im talking about above is from some british take away snack stall at Far East's Level One. triple c stands for cheesey curry chicken. when i ate it, it tastes like heaven, maybe because it was the first thing i ate for the day, cannot be la, it's just damn nice. im so gona go there again for a second round, great for a mid afternoon snack when ur feeling not that hungry. just now i went down to cheers to stock up on my supplies, for midnight snacking. bought a bag of tortilla chips, a korean snack of some soft chocolate biscuit with marshmallow center and some instant noodles. just now when i was eating my meal of instant noodles, i duno wtf happened and i guess i used to spoon too violently and some soup splashed up and went into my right eye. i was blinded... and somemore the flavor i was eating was tom yam, extra spicy, and now its in my eye. fucking pain la. i kept crying. next time if im eating anything with soup, im gona wear eye patches to play safe. dun want the same shit to happen again. then i brought my korean snack into my room and ate while doing my hw. if my mom sees me eating in my room she'll kill me. cuz she says its not hygienic la and all the nonsense, it just summarises to the fact that she doesnt want pests to be appearing all over in my room, like for example, the common small red ant. last time they kept appearing near me when i was using the computer, its damn annoying. then now they're all gone. but i guess they'll start coming back soon la, im eating in my room again, somemore this snack contains chocolate, marshmallow, all these sweet stuff. ants will start building nests in my room soon.

today a miracle happened. i left my house this early afternoon, i forgot to switch my pc off. then when i came back in the evening at 7, the computer didnt turn off by itself. yay. no more power supply problems. till now it's still on, more than 12 hours already.omg 4am already. wtf. didnt know i blogged until this late. haha. anyway, i feel like watching Dorm, lol i'm really outdated, dunno whether its still showing, but hopefully la, wonder whether shes free. alright. i guess im going off already. i needa get my rest.

Purple Rose;
11:22 AM